


Are You Sure We're in Mexico - It Feels Like Hell!

by NewtonsApple



Category: The Vampire Diaries (TV)
Genre: Anal Sex, Crack, M/M, Snark
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-22
Updated: 2016-06-22
Packaged: 2018-07-16 16:12:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 6,837
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7274911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NewtonsApple/pseuds/NewtonsApple
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Damon and Alaric go to Mexico to collect an ancient grimoire from Shamans. They get a fuck or die spell put on them. Damon is a big dick and Alaric has severe potty mouth.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a fuck or die story. I hope you enjoy it, I was pissing myself laughing as I wrote it. As always - comments are appreciated - not just for the love, for the feedback.

Ric parked next to Damon's black Chevy Camaro and thumped the steering wheel. He was sick of everyone taking advantage of his good nature. 

Damon let him in wearing nothing but a towel and handed him a glass of bourbon. "Hi. About freaking time, I was starting to get bored."

"How the hell did we get roped into this? Your fault I bet, it's always your fault."

Damon's eyes widened to their utmost. "Me?"

"Why couldn't the Shaman have just emailed the pages we want? Why do we have to go all the way to Mexico to pick up a grimoire?"

"You should've mentioned you were on the rag."

"Asshole. Why isn't Bonnie going? Why does it have to be us all the time?"

"Aw, that's not nice Ric. Don't you want to spend a weekend with me?" 

"What does Bonnie have over you?"

Damon smirked. "Life or death she said. Ours if we don't go get it."

"That's not fair. You're already dead."

"Come on Ric, I'll protect you. Don't I always?"

Ric drained his glass and glared. "Sure you would."

"I would!"

"Why does everyone think I'm so selfish? I've helped you guys tons of times."

"You killed me. Twice."

"But it all equals out Ric, I've saved you ten times more than that." He waggled his eyebrows and refilled his friend's glass. "Did you know they have donkey shows in Tijuana?"

"Yes. We don't have time."

"Live a little Ric. We have nothing but time."

"You do. I'm restricted to a standard human existence."

"Would you like a tampon?"

"Bite me Damon."

"I was thinking about it. Hey, it's a nice segue to your human condition."

"The only way I'm calling you 'sire' is in your damn dreams." Using Damon's credit card he booked two flights to Mexico for the following day.

Bonnie came over that night to give them a few last minute instructions. 

"We have to do what?" Damon said, eyebrow raised. "What's this Shaman's deal?"

"A purification ritual." She tossed her curly hair over her shoulder. "If anyone needs one of those it's you. Ric's okay, he's pure already."

"I am?" he said, blushing. 

"You know you are." Damon ruffled his hair and grinned. "Must be your damn humanity."

 

Damon left his Chevy in long term parking and snatched his ticket from Ric. "What gate?"

"Twelve for the billionth time. I know you've got a short attention span but this is ridiculous."

"It won't take long to pick up the grimoire. I think we'll have time for at least one donkey show."

Ric wasn't listening. He was too busy staring at the leggy flight attendant. She had greeny-blue eyes and dark ebony hair. She was gorgeous and just his type, he'd always had a thing for that combination.

Damon snorted. "Wow Ric. Subtle. Stare harder; she probably can't feel your eyes boring into the back of her skull."

"Shut up," he mumbled. "I think she heard you."

"We can only hope. If anyone needs to get laid it's you."

"I get laid."

"Mrs Palmer doesn't count."

"I hate you sometimes."

"Only sometimes? I'll have to work on that. Come on, there's our gate."

Damon spent most of the time pressing the call button and asking for the pretty flight attendant. "My friend's lonely. Are you single?"

She smiled. "Sorry. I can't date customers."

"Can't or won't?" Damon persisted. "Did I mention how lonely he is?"

"Please shut up Damon..." 

"You look like a beacon Ric, you okay?"

The plane landed in record time, depositing them in a field of dust. 

"Now I feel out of place. Where can we buy sombreros? Look at that guy; don't you want to pour dip in the centre? Chip and dip, literally."

"Promise me you won't annoy the Shaman. This guy's into serious voodoo. I don't want to go home with an extra head or something."

"Where's the fun in that?" He licked his lower lip and waggled his eyebrows. "Besides, if it's anything like the head you already have..."

He narrowed his eyes. "You realise I'm not Elena right?"

"Yes Ric, I _do_ know. Elena - as far as I know - doesn't get boners. Come on, there's our rental car."

Twenty miles later they reached a guard house. A robust black man stopped their car and demanded to see their ID. "The Shaman doesn't allow cars in the compound."

"What do we do then, walk?" Damon said, growling. 

The guard pointed behind the shack. "Horse and cart."

"Wow, flashback. We used to have one of those before I turned."

"W-What?" the guard stuttered. "Before you what?"

"Turned. I'm a va--"

"Valedictorian," Ric said. "He used to be a terrible student. That's what he means. Come on buddy, into the cart.  _Now_."

"You're no fun Ric," Damon mumbled climbing inside the cart. "Where's your sense of adventure?"

"Left it in Mystic Falls. Why're you wearing a trench coat? It's a hundred degrees out here." Ric shucked off his button-up and yanked his t-shirt out of his jeans. "Man, I'm dying out here."

"It's bourbon Ric, did you think I was happy to see you?"

The driver whipped the horse and yee-haa'd. Damon sprawled on the seat, jamming the bottle between Ric's legs. "Oops."

"Whatever Damon, quit it. I'm not in the mood for your pseudo-flirting techniques."

"There's nothing fake about it Ric, drink?" Damon uncapped it and took a deep swig. "Perfect. Nothing like some Mexican courage before we meet a crazy person."

"Give me that." Ric grimaced. The bottle neck tasted spicy and dark, just like Damon. He stared out of the window and tried not to heave. Where the hell was the horizon?

"You okay Ric?"

He nodded. "No."

"Right... I'd help but vampire blood doesn't cure nausea. Unless you turn of course."

 


	2. Chapter 2

The Shaman's compound resembled the Ringling Brothers circus. Fifteen red and yellow tents stood in a circle around a wooden stage. Mysticism fizzed in the air. The word  _sacred_  swirled around his brain. It was so sacred and musty and special--

"Take me to your leader," Damon said to a short fat guy wearing a hula skirt. "We're on a mission."

Ric whimpered. An extra head was the least of his worries. Damon's behaviour...  _so_  in the top ten. 

The hula guy pointed inside the tent and said, "Mambo."

"One, two, three, four... FIVE!" Damon shouted. 

Ric squeezed his eyes shut and prayed for death.  _Silence_. He opened his left eye. A sea of shocked brown faces stared back at him. Damon didn't seem to care though, he never did.

Mambo glided over to them, a golden sceptre clutched in his hand. "Who are you to come here and mock our way of life?"

"Damon, he's Ric. We've come to pick up the grimoire."

Mambo looked Damon up and down and curled his lip. "Oh?"

Ric's hackles rose. The Shaman had no right to treat Damon like that. He wanted to punch the guy in the face. Damon was a vampire with almost two hundred years on the clock, he wasn't exactly weak. He stepped forward and a giant grabbed his elbow in a vice grip. 

Damon growled and black veins flared under his eyes. "Hey!"

"I'm fine Damon, I swear."

Mambo banged his sceptre on the dusty ground. "Ah, so... a vampire. An evil creature dares to appear in our midst? I think your friend Bonnie scraped the bottom of the barrel, was there no one else?"

"Did he just call me an asshole?" Damon stage whispered. "Did he?"

Ric whipped his head from side to side. "Don't Damon, I'm begging you."

"Hey Mambo No. 5, did you just call me an asshole?" 

The Shaman's followers gasped en-masse and then shook their fists. Mambo just smiled eerily and waved back the maddened crowd. "Enough. We will take them to the purification tent. We will cleanse you and then send you on your way."

"What about the grimoire?"

"We will see," Mambo said, narrowing his eyes. "Everything depends on the purification ritual."

With the Shaman leading the way, the boys followed them out. The afternoon sun beat down on their heads and hot dust settled in Ric's throat. He coughed and sneezed, almost falling into a pothole. 

Damon patted his back gently. "Can't see any donkeys Ric. Can you?"

"Stop. We're gonna end up buried in the desert. Show him respect, please. And if you can't do it for him, do it for me."

"Sure Ric. For you," Damon said, giving him puppy dog eyes. "Always for you."

"I'm serious Damon. Swear to me."

He giggled and sang R-E-S-P-E-C-T by Aretha Franklin. Loudly. Five times. Ric trudged ahead pretending everything was normal. He actually wanted to bury is head in the sand. Damon caught up with him and looped their arms. "I swear."

Hours - or days - later, they finally reached the purification tent. Or hut. Or whatever. He didn't care, it was cool and dust-free, that was all that mattered. He wiped grit from his eyes and looked around, wishing he hadn't. Were those shrunken heads on a string?

 


	3. Chapter 3

Black spots danced in front of Ric's eyes. "Are they witches?"

"I think they're from Macbeth," Damon said helpfully. "Look at that grey stringy hair and black cloaks... Wow."

Ric flushed and dropped his gaze. "We're gonna die. I know it."

"You're too young and beautiful to die Ric. I'd never let anyone hurt you." Damon's nose wrinkled and he opened his mouth.

Ric grabbed his fingers and squeezed. "Whatever you're gonna say, zip it. I don't want to die...!"

"Fucking hell, it smells like a Chinese laundry in here--"


	4. Chapter 4

Mambo gathered his follows around him like a cloak and ignored Damon completely. 

"I'm so sorry for my friend's behaviour. He doesn't mean it, he just doesn't think before he speaks."

Mambo's smile was gentle. "Thank you but it is not up to you to apologise." He grinned. "I am sorry too."

Shivers crept up his spine. What was he sorry for? It was Damon who--

A flash of blue light exploded above their heads making him jump. In its eerie glow, Damon turned blue. He looked like a smurf. A tall, angry, inappropriate, vampire smurf. 

Mambo walked over to the old women and spoke in a language Ric didn't understand. Tapping his sceptre three times, he threw feathers and a dead mouse in the cauldron. "Purification is nigh." He beckoned the boys over behind a giant white screen. 

Ric towed Damon like a wind-up toy. That whole blue face thing must've been a trick of the light.

The purification ritual was the strangest thing he'd ever experienced. That was saying a lot considering where he lived. Mystic Falls had its share of supernatural crazy with its vampires, witches and ghosts. 

The three old women produced a jar of foul red paste and painted their faces with it. Ric's stomach rebelled. Sweaty feet and cabbages. He tried not to vomit on Mambo's gold slippers. Bet he wouldn't appreciate  _that_. He breathed through his mouth trying to think pleasant thoughts. The leggy flight attendant, a cold beer, his apartment... It didn't work. 

Damon sniggered and reached for Ric's hand. "Poor boy..."

Why was his friend so touchy-feely? It wasn't like him at all. Damon abhorred any kind of touching. Unless he was biting someone. 

Finally it was all over. Mambo pressed an old-fashioned button on his desk and a tiny man came over. He carried a book - Ric assumed it was the grimoire - and gave it to him. 

Damon took a deep breath and Ric squeezed his fingers, warding off whatever he was going to say. It didn't work.  _Again_. 

Staring at the little guy, Damon hummed the Snow White theme song. 

Ric cringed and waited for him to say something. Mambo's eyes blazed with menace and he white-knuckled his sceptre. "Enough. You will leave, now," he said, handing Ric the grimoire. "Go. Before I change my mind."

Not relishing the long walk back to the camp, Ric was pleasantly surprised to see the cart outside. "Get in Damon, right now."

Damon hesitated, staring at Ric as if he didn't recognise him. "What?"

He leaned out of the cab and yanked his friend inside. "Come here buddy." It always scared him when Damon was quiet. It usually meant he was planning something diabolical. 

Damon curled in himself, hunching over in the seat with a blank expression. As the cart took off, he slumped into Ric's lap and sighed. 

"You look stoned Damon, what's wrong with you?"

"My stomach hurts. And my head. And my nose."

Dread boiled in Ric's gut. Mambo's quiet 'sorry'... Something else was going to happen, he knew it. It wasn't a question of  _if_  but  _when_. 

On the way back to the airport, Ric drove and Damon sulked. Or brooded. He wasn't sure. Something was up with him though. They made it to the airport with no further issues. 

The nice flight attendant smiled at him. "Hot huh? Is your friend okay? He looks sick..."

"Only mentally," Ric said, smiling like a goon. God she was  _beautiful_...

They took their seats at the back of the plane. Ric tried to sleep but Damon kept nudging him and leaning into his space. 

"What are you doing? People are staring." His hid his flushed cheeks behind a magazine. "Quit it."

Damon just grunted and buried his head in the crook of Ric's neck. 

He pushed him away and spoke in a harsh undertone. "I think the Shaman did something to you. I told you not to be so disrespectful... How do you feel?"

"Horny."

Ric's jaw dropped. "Excuse me?" 

The four hour flight felt like it took days. Once the plane landed Ric ran to the car and Damon skipped beside him.  _Skipped_. Ric felt that his universe had tipped off its axis. He needed help.  _Now_. He called Bonnie's cell, groaning when he got her voice mail. He left a tense message asking her to call him ASAP. 

 Diverted onto back roads as the interstate was at a standstill, Ric panicked. This didn't bode well. He shook his head and prayed they'd make it home in one piece. 

Damon leaned over and stroked his knee and Ric almost swerved off the road. Damon tugged the wheel out of his hands and the car skidded sideways and hit a tree. The airbags puffed up into their faces.  Ric's pulse pounded in his ears and he panted for breath. He opened the door with a shaky hand and got out. Although not totalled, the car had seen better days. They needed a tow truck. 


	5. Chapter 5

Ric's phone vibrated in his pocket. At least he still had access to the outside world.  "Hello?"

"Hey Ric, it's Bonnie. I just got your message."

He explained what had happened so far and she laughed. She fucking  _laughed_...

"Damon's groping you?" 

Her high-pitched giggles did not improve his mood one iota. "It's not funny! I know that Damon can be a dick and he was so rude to the Shaman.  _I_ didn't do anything! Can't you email the guy and ask what he did so we can reverse it? Bonnie? Are you listening to me?"

"I'll try. What did he say?"

"You don't want to know. Also, we need a tow truck."

"Text me your location and I'll call one. I'll come too, hang tight Ric."

Ric hung up and growled in frustration. He opened the passenger side door and peered in at Damon. He'd taken his pants off. In the front seat! Ric walked away and leaned his head against a tree. There was no way he was getting back in the car. Not with a naked, grabby Damon, no fucking way. 

His phone beeped, informing him there was no signal so he walked back to the car. He paced back and forth getting angrier by the second.  His cell vibrated in his hand. 

"Hey Ric." Bonnie wasn't laughing anymore. That couldn't be good. It wasn't good, not at all. "Are you sitting down?"

"No, I'm pacing and avoiding Damon. He's taken his pants off in the front seat. No one wants to see that."

"You might want to sit down."

"Just tell me what happened, did you speak to the Shaman?"

"Yup. He told me what Damon did and..."

"And what? I can't stand the suspense, just tell me."

"He put a curse on him."

"What kind of curse?" Ric asked, sensing her reluctance to go into more detail. 

She cleared her throat. "A sex curse."

"Excuse me?" Ric exploded. "A what?"

Damn the Shaman, that explained the blue light... 

"Just a goddamn second! Mambo put a sex curse on  _Damon_! What about me? Why is Damon groping  _me_?"

"I've heard of this sort of thing before," she whispered. "It's called a fuck or die curse."

Ric's throat tightened and he looked over at the car. "Damon has to...?"

"Uh, yeah. Sorry."

His best friend had to...  _fuck_  him. Why did his life suck so bad? Ric loved girls.  _Damon_  loved girls... when he wasn't cursed. Now Damon seemed to love Ric and that was  _bad_. Bad, bad, bad... He choked on a whimper and chewed his lip. He remembered going to the lake last summer. Damon lost his shorts in the waterfall. Ric knew what he was wielding down those shorts. 

"Ric? Still there?"

"Bonnie, what kind of fuck? What will happen if we don't?"

Ric wasn't an idiot; he knew what fuck meant in the traditional sense of the word. He needed to know what it meant in the scheme of the spell. 

"He'll die."

"You didn't answer the first part."

She coughed. "I know."

"Bonnie," Ric said, almost growling. "Tell me!"

"Wait a sec; I'll grab a dictionary..." 

"Fine, I get it. Never mind. Did you call the tow truck?"

"Uh-huh. I'm on my way too. See you soon," she said voice soft and concerned. 

Ric paced some more, ignoring Damon and thought about the curse. He had to have sex with Damon, that's what Bonnie meant. They had to  _fuck_  each other otherwise Damon would die. At this point Ric wanted to let him. 

"Stay on the line with me Ric, you're on speaker. Any other questions?"

"It's not fair!" Ric almost sobbed in frustration. 

"I know, I'm sorry."

"How come Damon has to fuck  _me_? He's the cursed one!"

"That's your complaint? That you have to be the bottom?"

"Jesus Bonnie, it's not funny. Stop laughing. It's not nice and not helpful right now. Please just help me! I don't want to have sex with Damon, I like girls! Did the Shaman say anything about a time limit? Maybe Damon won't die; we might be able to ride it out..."

"I don't think it works like that. You have to fulfil the curse within twenty-four hours or Damon dies. Simple as that."

Bonnie's phone crackled and the call disconnected. Ric paced again. At this rate his shoes would disintegrate before Bonnie arrived.  

Shoving his phone in his back pocket he thought about how best to break the news to Damon. There wasn't an easy way to say it. 

He had two options, neither of which appealed. What could he say?

_'Damon, the Shaman you were so rude to has cursed you with a fuck or die spell. Nice knowing you buddy.'_

Or option two. _'Because you were a complete asshole to the Shaman you have to bone me or you'll die. Thoughts?'_

"Where did you go Ric?" Damon murmured, appearing from behind a bush. "I missed you."

"Uh... Bonnie's sending a tow truck. She'll be here soon buddy." 

Because in the end he couldn't do it. Besides, girls were better at explaining stuff than guys. He'd only mess it up. His phone beeped with a text from Bonnie. _Ten minutes away guys._  

Ric manhandled Damon and his pants back inside the car and tried to convince him to get dressed. "Come on buddy. Bonnie doesn't wanna see that."

"It's all for you Ric. Do you think I'm pretty?"

"Your jeans have separation anxiety. Put them on."

"No Ric, I like to feel the wind on my dick."

"Fine Pocahontas. You wanna show off your goodies to the tow truck driver, be my guest." He started pacing again. Ten minutes was starting to feel like hours but he finally saw Bonnie's car. The tow truck driver pulled in behind her and Ric pushed Damon behind a tree. 

He helped the guy load the Camaro onto the truck and told him they'd call for an estimate later. Ric waved him off and sighed. "Wait until you see Damon. He's crazy right now." He led her over to the tree Damon was hiding behind, still minus his pants. 

She gasped and covered her eyes. "Ouch, oh Ric..."

That short glimpse at the lake hadn't done him justice. Damon was a big boy. Ric sucked in a breath and shut his eyes. "I'll give you a hundred bucks if you do it."

Bonnie laughed. "Hell no. It wouldn't work anyway."

"You don't know that..."

"There must be a reason Damon's coming on to you Ric. I think it's because Mambo cursed you both..."

"Give me Mambo's number. I'm not proud, I'm happy to grovel."

"Sweetie, I don't think that'd work. He sounded insistent that the spell run its course. Something about a lesson learned..." 

"Wow. You must be feeling sorry for me. You've never called me sweetie before." He resisted the urge to cry on her shoulder and swallowed the lump in his throat. "Mambo's not the one who Damon has to impale."

Damon stared at them slack jawed and drooling. "You're so pretty Ric. You have beautiful hair and beautiful muscles. I hate when you look sad. Wanna hug?"

"He has no idea what's happening does he? Didn't you tell him yet?"

"I didn't know how to say it. I thought maybe if you..."

Bonnie shook her head, took his hand and led him back over to Damon. "I can't. You need to tell him. You're his best friend."

"I know! That makes it worse!"

"He doesn't look as if he'd mind. He's staring at you..."

"I can handle staring. What I can't handle is the groping and the fact he has to  _fuck_  me!" Ric said, voice rising in hysteria. 

Tears welled in Bonnie's eyes. "Come here, give me a hug."

Hugs he could handle. Especially from Bonnie, they were friends and she was female. 

"It's not fair," he whispered against her hair. "I love him as a friend Bonnie. That's the  _only_  reason why I'm doing this."

Damon knocked her away. "Mine!" he growled, eyes glittering with menace. 

Bonnie raised her hands and Damon dropped to the ground clutching his head. 

"Don't Bonnie, he can't help it. It's the spell." 

Damon whimpered and turned beseeching eyes to Ric. Bonnie released him and helped Ric drag Damon to her car. 

"Pants on first buddy. Otherwise Bonnie will make you run behind the car," Ric said, trying to lighten the mood. 

"Don't want to," Damon said, pouting.

"Don't suppose you have a spell for that?"

Bonnie snorted. "No. You'll have to help him; he won't let me near him."

Ric propped him up against the car and helped him step into his jeans. He felt better once his friend's huge dick was out of sight. 

They put him in the back seat. He didn't want Damon to grope him, not in front of Bonnie. He stewed about the whole situation on the way back to the boarding house. 

It was all Damon's fault. He just couldn't stop acting like a dick to everyone he met. He'd been an utter to dick to him too in the past but Ric looked past it. Hell, Damon had even killed him twice. If he hadn't had the Gilbert ring he'd still be dead. Still, he loved his friend and would never let him die. Not if he could help it anyway. 


	6. Chapter 6

Ric stared straight ahead and tried to calm himself down but it wasn't working. Bonnie poked his leg and flicked her eyes to Damon in the back seat. He knew what she wanted him to do. She wanted him to tell Damon about the curse. 

Ric shook his head. He didn't want to discuss it in front of Bonnie, he'd never be able to look her in the face again. 

She dropped them off outside the boarding house and wished them luck. Ric wished he was going with her, he didn't want to be here, not with Damon in this state. He had to find a way to tell Damon they needed to fuck each other senseless without losing his mind. 

Ric walked into the living room and headed straight for Damon's bar. He uncapped a bottle of Jim Beam and sculled it straight from the bottle. 

Damon blinked. It wasn't like Ric not to use a glass, his friend was fussy that way. It was Damon who drank from the bottle. Walking up behind his friend he plastered himself to Ric's back. 

Ric froze and almost dropped the bottle. Damon's hard cock dug into his hip and he fought the urge to cry. God, he couldn't do this! His head swam and black spots appeared in front of his eyes. 

"Damon, I uh, need to talk to you." Ric sat on the couch and squirmed. He closed his eyes and pretended everything was normal. This was not the sort of conversation that best friends should have. Ever. 

Damon danced his fingers up Ric's spine and gazed into his friend's stormy blue eyes. "What about?"

"Let's go upstairs to your room. I need to tell you something private."

"There's no one here." Damon said in a seductive voice. 

Just then, Stefan and Elena walked into the living room. Ric's heart jumped in his chest. He prayed that Bonnie had not told Elena what was happening. He'd rather kill himself than deal with the shame. 

"Hey Ric!" Elena said. She grinned and hugged him tight. "We just stopped by to get Stefan's stuff. He's staying with me and Jeremy tonight..." 

He nodded. "Sounds good."

Stefan stared at Damon. "What's wrong with him?"

"He's stoned." Ric said, saying the first thing that came into his mind.

Elena gaped. "Stoned? Can vampires even get stoned?"

Stefan narrowed his eyes at Damon and frowned. "I guess so. Never thought about it. C'mon Elena, let's go." He smiled at his girlfriend and took her hand. 

Ric waved them off and locked the front door. He didn't want anyone else walking in uninvited. Snagging the whiskey he dragged Damon upstairs by the hand. He felt like a prisoner walking to the gas chamber. That would be preferable to his best friend fucking his ass six ways from Sunday. 

Damon's bedroom smelled like him, musky, dark, spicy. Ric's body flashed hot and cold and he felt dizzy. Sitting on the edge of Damon's bed he gathered his thoughts. He had to tell Damon about the curse now before things got out of hand. 

"What were you and Bonnie talking about before?" Damon asked.

"About that..." he said and chewed his bottom lip. 

Damon moaned, Ric biting his lip was sexy, the way he sucked it into his mouth like that... He loomed into Ric's space and pushed him backwards on the bed. 

Ric's pulse quickened. "Curse. The Shaman put a curse on you."

"On me?" Damon raised his eyebrows. "Why?"

"Because you acted like such an asshole. You mocked him and his way of life and now he's punishing you. Us."

Damon growled. "I'll kill him. I won't let anyone hurt you."

This wasn't going as planned. Ric hadn't even gotten to the bad part yet. 

"Anyway Damon, this curse... You have to--" he coughed. "Fuck me. You have to fuck me..."

"So?"

Ric's mouth dropped open and he clenched his fists. "What the hell do you mean, 'so'?"

Damon shrugged. "I don't know if it's the curse or whatever but I love you Ric."

"No you don't. You love me as a friend maybe but you don't want to..." he trailed off. He didn't want to say 'fuck me' again. 

"You're hot, I'm hot. What's the big deal?"

Ric laughed. Trust Damon to be so modest. 

"Don't tell me you've never thought about it Ric." Damon said in a matter-of-fact way. "I have."

Ric had no reply to that. He hoped it was the spell talking. That he hadn't somehow missed the fact that his best friend wanted to fuck him into the floor. It must be the spell, right?

"So, how do you want to do this?"

"I don't fucking know Damon. This wasn't my idea!" Ric punched the bed in anger. 

Damon rubbed Ric's shoulder in soothing circles and dropped a chaste kiss on his cheek. 

"Are you okay?"

Ric opened his mouth to retort but thought better of it. They only had ten hours left. It sounded like a long time but he didn't want to leave it until the last minute. What if they couldn't do it straight away?


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In addition to the potty mouth and Damon - being himself - there is a large amount of porn in this last chapter. Just warning you.

Ric sat up, poured more whiskey down his throat and unbuttoned his shirt with shaky hands. Heart pounding in his chest, he faltered. Lips set in a determined line he told himself he had to. Otherwise Damon would die. Ric would never let that happen, not when he could stop it.  

Ric's fingers fumbled at his belt buckle and froze when Damon took over. Confident and sure of himself, he unbuttoned Ric's jeans and yanked them down his thighs. 

"Well now..." Damon crooned in Ric's ear. "What have we here?"

Damon's hot breath tickled his ear and he shivered. Skating a hand up Ric's shirt, Damon tweaked his nipples and chuckled. Ric's insides crumbled, would their friendship survive this?

Damon's delicate fingers blazed a trail over Ric's stomach, dancing over the taut muscles. He tugged at Ric's boxers, pulling them down and off. Naked and vulnerable, Ric fought the urge to vomit. 

"So pretty Ric..."

Tears welled in his eyes, this wasn't fair. The entire act was like a parody, a mockery of love and choices. He had to take control otherwise he'd never survive. 

Ric cupped Damon's slim neck and rubbed his friend's taut jaw line with his thumb. Damon sighed and waggled his eyebrows. 

"I love your hands Ric."

Damon dropped his mouth to Ric's and licked his bottom lip. Ric went with it; it wasn't as gross as he thought it would be. Damon was a good kisser, not something he thought about as a rule. 

Damon pushed Ric's t-shirt up to his neck and stroked his chest. Goosebumps broke out on his skin. Dropping his head, Damon flicked out his tongue and licked Ric's nipples. 

Ric pushed Damon's head away; his nipples couldn't take the teasing anymore. Besides, this wasn't about enjoyment. 

"Touch me Ric, please." 

Shaking his head to clear away the cobwebs, Ric pushed his friend onto his back. Fingers light and unsure, he caressed his friend's neck. It was so soft, no stubble on Damon, so different from his own rough skin. Damon shivered and bit his lip, staring into Ric's eyes. 

Ric couldn't take it, the look was too intimate. 

Damon scooted down the bed and gazed in rapture at Ric's soft dick. Ric closed his eyes, he wasn't ready for this. 

Damon nuzzled it. Without Ric's permission it started to rise and Damon sucked it into his mouth. He wanted to push Damon's mouth away from him... But Damon would die...

This gentle intimacy wasn't helping. They only had nine hours left until...

"Damon, stop." Ric took a deep breath. "Just do it."

"It?"

"Fuck me you idiot!"

Damon's mouth dropped open. "Ric!"

If he didn't do it now, he never would. Ric's heart stuttered in his chest, it almost sounded like he wanted Damon to--

"Someone's in a hurry..."

Damon sounded unlike his normal snarky self and it made the situation easier to bear. If he were himself, it would be too real, less a spell, more like a skewed reality. 

Damon leaned over to his bedside drawer and grabbed a bottle of lube. The click of the cap sounded like a gun shot to Ric and he bit his lip. Oh god, this was it. Ric forced himself to breathe in through his nose and out through his mouth. 

Damon stretched Ric's legs apart and began to prepare him. No matter what Damon actually did, Ric didn't think he'd ever be fine with this. 

He watched Damon pour a glob of lube into his hands and stared at his giant, anaconda-like dick.It wasn't fair!

Damon's cock was a normal six inch length; it was the width that freaked the shit out of Ric. Bonnie's 'ouch' comment bounced around in his brain like a pinball machine. 

Damon gave him his famous smirk and loomed over him. Ric flinched but managed not to run. His limbs had turned to water, he couldn't have run even if he wanted to.

Damon's eyebrows knitted. "What's wrong Ric? Don't you want to have sex with me?"

"No, I don't want to. But if I don't... you'll die and--" Ric broke off, choking off the words; _I couldn't bear it if you died_.

"Aw, I knew you loved me."

Ric did love Damon, he did, but it was purely platonic. He'd do this to save Damon but damned if he was going to enjoy it. 

"Oh." Why was Ric acting so weird? He was usually so calm and placid unlike Damon himself but now he was so jumpy. 

Ric checked his watch, time was running out. He tugged Damon to him and curled a hand around his neck.  "Have at it. I'll do my best to go along with it." 

Damon grabbed the bottle of lube and squirted a generous amount into his hand. He ran a slick finger between Ric's open thighs and down into his crack. Getting no resistance from Ric he parted his cheeks and dipped a finger into his entrance. He pushed further, burying his finger to the first knuckle. 

"Ow Damon! That burns!"

Ignoring Ric in his excitement, Damon pushed three slick fingers into Ric's ass. 

Ric, unhappy at Damon's choice to split him open with so little prep, groaned. 

Spurred on by Ric's groan, Damon slicked up his thick cock with a second handful of lube. 

Ric squeezed his eyes shut tight and prayed he'd make it through this. He heard Damon's hand stroke himself at vampire speed. 

Damon surprised Ric by turning him over on his stomach and pulling him further down the bed. Ric bit his lip to stop his impending scream and tried to relax as much as he could. 

Damon's thick cock breached the tight ring of muscles and he bottomed out in one thrust. So much for foreplay. 

Ric shrieked. "Damon! Ow! That fucking hurts!" Tears streaming down his face, he bit the pillow hard. 

Damon's cock sawed in and out of Ric's ass and he tried to relax but his body was doing its damndest to push Damon out. Five tense minutes later Ric had had enough. 

Changing position, Damon hit a small bump inside Ric's ass. Ric screamed again, this time for a different reason. It was starting to feel good; Damon must've hit his prostate. He didn’t want it to feel good, he just wanted it over and Damon back to  _normal_  and their friendship back to  _normal_.

Gripping Ric's hips, Damon built up speed. All Ric could hear were squelching noises and air escaping the tight confines of his ass. 

Damon blew his load in his friend's ass and groaned, god that felt good! He pulled out and collapsed panting on the bed. 

Ric's heart shattered. They'd survived but had their friendship? That was the question, wasn't it? It was over, done. He felt liquid dripping out of him and wrinkled his nose.

Not making eye contact with Damon, Ric ran into the bathroom and turned the shower to scalding. He scrubbed and scrubbed but still didn't feel clean. It wasn't his body that was dirty, it was his soul. Skin red raw, he wrapped a towel around his body and limped back to Damon's room. 

His friend was snoring on the bed, face pale, eyelids fluttering. Ric left him there. He needed to get home. He grabbed his discarded clothes and got dressed in the bathroom. Staring at himself in the mirror, he wondered why he didn't look any different. He definitely _felt_ different. 

Damon stirred as Ric opened the bedroom door. "Ric? Where are you doing?"

He sounded like his normal snarky self. Was amnesia part of the spell? He hoped so; he'd rather kill himself than talk about this with Damon. 

"Home. I'm exhausted. I'll uh, I'll call you."

Damon frowned. "You don't have a car here. Let me drive you." He jumped off the bed and slid his t-shirt over his head. 

Damon's cock bobbed and Ric swallowed hard. "Don't worry about it. I need the walk."

It took Ric an hour to walk home. At least by the time he made it, his ass wasn't the only part of him that hurt. 

Damon beat him there. Damn vampire speed. Ric did not feel like chatting, didn't want to do anything but get drunk. He had no idea what to even say to Damon, he just wanted to forget it. The only words that sprang to mind were 'fuck off'. Didn't sound like a nice thing to say to your best friend after he'd fucked you rigid. 

"Ric..." Damon sounded... lost. Maybe he didn't have amnesia then. 

Ric unlocked the apartment and collapsed on the couch. He reached for the bottle of bourbon on the side table and sculled some back. The burning liquid cleared the fog from his brain and he handed it to Damon. 

Damon alternated between sipping and staring at Ric. He wanted to hug him but Ric's expression said he might murder Damon. 

Ric had no idea how to claw his way back to reality. Had no idea what to say, what to do, how to get past it all. He'd done it because he couldn't bear to lose Damon. Ric was a nice guy but he didn't have many friends. Elena and Jeremy sure, and to a lesser extent their friends. But Damon... Damon was special. He'd set him straight about Isobel and they'd bonded over lost women. Ric was loyal to the core and Damon was loyal to Ric and that _mattered_. 

Damon just needed to understand that Ric needed time to process things. 

"So." Damon drawled. "That was an experience huh?"

"One we don't want to repeat. Ever."

Damon nodded and gulped the bourbon. "Yeah. I love girls, you love girls but Ric... I do love you. Thanks for doing what you did."

Taken aback by the look in Damon's ice blue eyes Ric didn't answer. What could he say to that anyway?

"You don't want to hug me or anything do you?" he asked Damon, folding his arms across his chest. 

Damon snorted and waggled his eyebrows. "Maybe. Clothes on though. Joking aside, I won't forget what you did. I know I piss you off most of the time, that's just the way god made me. I am sorry for what I put you through tonight."

"It's not like you chose this curse Damon. Choice didn't come into it. A pissed off Shaman forced it on us."

"That I pissed off."

"Yeah, that you pissed off. Next time, listen to me. You're my best friend Damon. I don't want to see you get hurt. Maybe you could just curb your behaviour a little with people you don't know?

Damon nudged Ric's shoulder, tilting his head back to look him in the face. "I'll try. Thanks friend."

Ric smiled a genuine smile and put his arm around Damon's shoulder. 

"Get lost buddy, I need to sleep. You wore me out."

Damon's mouth dropped open. If Ric were joking about it already, they were going to be fine. 

"I know you need your beauty sleep, I'll let myself out." Damon said with a wink. 

"Bastard. You said I was pretty earlier. How things change once a guy gets what he wants huh?"

Damon launched himself on Ric, plastering him to the couch. Ric froze, oh god, what had he done?

"Don't worry Ric, you're still pretty." Damon whispered into his friend's neck. "Even prettier after a few bourbons." Laughing, he ran from the apartment and slammed the door. Ric sat in stunned silence for a few seconds. He could still feel Damon's imprint on top of him. No longer on his body but always in his heart. 

Bourbon long gone, Ric undressed and climbed into bed. Bonnie's face popped into his mind and he shivered. He hoped she didn't ask for a play by play...

The End.


End file.
